Have you ever wondered why trusting God and fully surrendering to Him and His will can just be so HARD?
It’s so intriguing to me that we can so easily say, “I trust God,” but when faced with different experiences as we go about our life & business, we can often find that trusting Him and surrendering in both life & business can be quite difficult. Even when we say we do.
Because the thing is… if you are still obsessing about it… you haven’t surrendered it.
That said, since I know this is a phenomenon that is so overwhelming present, and something I have dealt with myself, I knew it was time to bring my dear friend, mentor & client, Rachelle McKinnon, onto the show.
Rachelle is the founder of the brand and ministry, Redeemed Wholeness. And after almost three years providing psychotherapy for interpersonal trauma and anxiety, God called her to leave her therapy practice behind and begin equipping His daughters to stand firm on a foundation of faith built on His Word and the security they have in Him.
That said, I knew it was important for her to come on the show, and discuss WHY it can be so difficult to fully live like our security is in Christ. And a little hint for you – it can often come down to our worldview which is very much affected by our attachment style.
What You Will Learn:
- Why actively trusting the Lord and surrendering to Him can be so difficult to fully live out
- The 4 different attachment styles that can affect our perspective of the world
- How each of these attachment styles can affect how you show up in your personal life AND your business
- The very next step to take if you find you identify with one or more of the insecure attachment styles
- How you can learn more from Rachelle and go deeper on this topic in the membership, the Called to CEO Collective
Why Actively Trusting the Lord & Surrendering to Him Can Be So Difficult to Fully Live Out
Rachelle answers the question and shares why it can be difficult to trust the Lord and surrender to Him.
She shares how most of us know the truth, but for some reason struggle with living it out. The reality is that it’s not enough to say out loud,“I trust God for the provision and for security.” There is so much more going on underneath the surface than just our intentions and our words. She shares how there is an entire worldview behind the way that we think and act in the world, including our relationship with God.
Rachelle explains that we can say that God is our source of security, but if we are not relating to Him as though He is our core security and ultimate security and instead looking for other things as our main source, our worldview is skewed.
One of the things that she teaches in her own curriculum, is that one of the biggest factors that influence someone’s worldview is attachment. This includes your physiology, how you approach business, your income, your friendships, how you parent, etc.
The 4 different attachment styles that can affect our perspective of the world
Rachelle shares that attachment styles are basically a combination of beliefs about the self, about other people, and about how the world works that come from your worldview. This is how we usually default in how we relate to ourselves, to the world, to God, to faith, and even to business.
- Secure Attachment: This attachment style looks like someone who naturally feels very comfortable around other people, naturally trusts other people, easily sets boundaries, and respects the boundaries of others with ease. If you are in distress, it will feel natural for you to seek comfort and give meaningful comfort to people who are in distress. Those with secure attachment styles have this general worldview where they trust they are valued, they are significant, they are worthy and their voice is welcome, wanted and needed.
- Anxious Attachment: Someone with an anxious attachment style has a worldview directed more towards anxiety. This looks like overthinking, questioning themselves, not being confident in other people, questioning themselves & others, and preoccupation with situations they are uneasy about. There is usually a need to hyper-focus on relieving that anxiety somehow. They have a tendency to be unsure about whether their situations are good or bad or a deeper meaning behind them. Someone with an anxious attachment style will likely experience and have a temptation to abide in their preoccupations and their unsure feelings.
- Avoidant Attachment: Someone with an avoidant attachment style has a tendency to over-rely on themselves often because they usually admittedly trust themselves more than they trust other people. When things get hard, these people believe that “strength” equals pushing through. They have a harder time acknowledging and putting words to their emotions.
- Fearful Avoidant Attachment: Someone with this style will desire to have others close to them but when others get close, they usually have this primal instinct to push away the things that they do want. A person with this style knows the things that they want and that are good for them, but when they are presented with these things, they freeze or panic, resulting in them pushing those things away (even if they really want them).
How each of these attachment styles can affect how you show up in your personal life AND your business
Rachelle shares that all of the attachment styles listed above are essentially four worldviews that people lean towards when they’re approaching and living and moving in the realm of business.
Rachelle gives an example of how each attachment style can affect how you show up in your personal life and business.
Personal Life + Attachment Styles
For example, in relation to friendships, let’s say you texted a close friend and they haven’t texted you back in a couple of days…
This is how each attachment style would respond:
Secure Attachment – Someone with this style believes the best about people. If their friend doesn’t text back in a couple of days, they might not even notice. If they do notice, they will probably just wonder, “My friend must be busy or I hope she’s okay. If I don’t hear from her on Friday, I’ll text and see what’s up.”
Anxious Attachment – Someone with this style will freak out after their friend hasn’t responded in 20 minutes. They will likely begin to start questioning themselves and their friend. They will think, “Is she mad at me? Is she avoiding me? Did I say something wrong?”
Avoidant Attachment – Someone with this style might not notice that the friend hasn’t responded to their text. Or they may view this as more free time to do their own thing. They are likely to question the awaiting response eventually.
Fearful Avoidant Attachment – This style is so rare it’s hard to predict since the only pattern with this style is the, “Come here, no go away.”
Business + Attachment Styles
Rachelle then shares an example of a situation that may happen in one’s business.
Let’s say you’re living life and things are going great in your business. Then one week you’re down a client, and all of a sudden it seems like other prospects aren’t working out either. It seems like you may not reach your income goals this month. This is how each attachment style would react.
Secure Attachment – Someone with this style who’s security is in the Lord (not themselves, their spouse, their money or circumstances), they will probably ask the question, “God, what are you up to here?” or “I’m going to trust you, I’m going to steward what you told me to steward and I’m going to wait for you to show up.” It will feel uncomfortable but it won’t feel anxiety-inducing.
Anxious Attachment – For someone with this style, this situation would cause a lot of anxiety for them, because they tend to be preoccupied with situations that seem uneasy to them, and they’re going to be preoccupied with their income. They are going to reach for things out of anxiety to try to accomplish “success” in what they believe is a comfortable situation.
Avoidant Attachment Style – Someone with this style is going to have a harder time trusting that God is actually trying to do something through their situation and increase their trust in Him. They will probably just go on autopilot, do the things that businesses do and they might even forget to bring God into the situation. They won’t be anxious about it.
Rachelle also shares another business example that relates to day-to-day business. Let’s say you’ve formed set boundaries for your work hours. A prospect (not a client) says your hours don’t work for them due to XYZ. Here is how each style would react in this situation.
Secure Attachment – Someone with this style is going to have an easier time engaging with this person without feeling pressure to people please. They are going to be able to understand that God is working in this prospect’s life too. This person knows that God is meant to be their security, not them. They will not budge when it comes to the boundaries they’ve already set.
Anxious Attachment – Someone with this style will tend to bend more toward pleasing the prospect even if it goes against the hours they’ve set up. They will often forget that they are not the provider of this prospect, but God is their provider. They are going to have a harder time not being codependent to someone else’s business.
The very next step to take if you find you identify with one or more of the insecure attachment styles
Rachelle shares that the next best step to take if you are identifying with one or more of the insecure attachment styles is to:
1) Get to know your Bible and how God relates to His people, when they are anxious, when they are in distress, when they are not sure what’s coming next, etc. God always knows what’s coming next in your story. No matter your attachment, please get to know your Bible because that is the ultimate worldview that will actually help you relate securely to the Lord, to your business and to other people.
2) Seek to understand and relate securely to the Lord. Feel free to message Rachelle on more applicable tips on how to do this in your life @redeemedwholeness.
How you can learn more from Rachelle and go deeper on this topic in the membership, the Called to CEO Collective
Be sure to check out Rachelle’s Instagram (@redeemedwholeness).
Want an organized structure for reading/listening through the Bible in 30 days, with some solid reflections and tips to help you understand the larger Biblical narrative and keep track of what you’re learning from it?
Download her freebie “The Word in 30 Days”.
In addition, Rachelle will be putting together a Masterclass over these Attachment Styles in the Called to CEO Collective and you’re NOT going to want to miss it! She is going to go even MORE in depth on navigating through this as a business owner.
Click HERE to join the Called to CEO Collective and sit in on Rachelle’s upcoming Masterclass!
If you loved this blog post and you know you are being called to CEO by God, and you want to make sure you’re getting the support you need, you’re being held accountable to live out the call He’s placed on your heart, AND you want to do it fueled by your faith and not by your flesh…
Then I want to invite you to just join us inside of the Called to CEO Collective.
The Called to CEO Collective is a community-driven membership for faith-based business owners, creators, dreamers, and leaders who know it’s time to take bold and obedient action on their God-given callings and ultimately steward their roles as Faith-Fueled CEOs.
I have absolutely no doubt it is what you’ve been praying for!
Why?! Because I’ve been praying for something like this for an awfully long time.
This membership has been totally designed by the Holy Spirit to help you cultivate a deeper relationship with the Lord. We will also go deeper on topics and faith, life, and business that you learn about because honestly, it’s time to say goodbye to overconsumption and say hello to implementation.
And it is also time to work from a place of overflow from the Holy Spirit versus overwhelm and stress. And it’s also time to finally overcome these spiritual battles against the enemy that has been keeping you stuck in your life.
Basically, it is a faith-based, community-driven membership where we go deeper on topics in faith, life, and business.
And the thing is, I have known for a really long time that business owners, creators, and leaders really need a place to process and share what they’re going through in their life and business in a safe space to receive feedback, support, and accountability…
All without the high ticket price point.
The Lord has just pressed this on my heart for a really long time and I know you’re probably wondering…
Is there any coaching involved?
Absolutely, there is coaching involved.
Not only will you be with other like-minded individuals, but you’ll have an experienced and Certified Life Coach and Faith-Fueled Business Mentor at your fingertips (that’s me, btw lol)… You will have a group of other talented individuals there to support you too!
And yes, we are going to go deeper on topics together, but I’m also here to help you grow your business or whatever God-given call you have right now. You can get coached by posting inside the community or on our live coaching calls happening twice a month.
That said, if you want to learn all the nitty gritty details or go ahead and join us at the current rate, you can do so by heading to www.hannahbrindley.com/membership